where am i from again
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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