When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
