I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
