do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
