His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
