Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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