Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
bring money and cleavage
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
