hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
