I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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