i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
