put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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