Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize