The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
