I seem to have left my pride at pride
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm both gender and math confused
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
