youre lurking in front of me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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