i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
