I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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