chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
