I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
