I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
