so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I supernannyed him into submission
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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