I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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