let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I looked at my own cervix.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
