And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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