He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
