you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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