Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
