I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
