I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
