So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
