Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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