she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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