Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When are your genitals available?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
