Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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