I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
