the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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