I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They took my balls.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This can only be settled by a dance off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
