I wish I only lived at night.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
