she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My vagina is officially offended.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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