my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
