First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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