That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
