i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
