we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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