Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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