I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
