I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The Olympian is in my bed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
