Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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