I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
