genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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