forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
