I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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