I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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