im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize