I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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