Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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