did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
