Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
