i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
