so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
this is an emotional support booty call
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
