i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
