how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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