Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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