i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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