its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize