so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
