I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
