Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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