She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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