I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
