while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
