i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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