im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize