meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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