Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
