This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
