You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
