glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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