Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
