she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
