Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
