im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize