Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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