You're completely useless in the revolution.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
