So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she peed on how many people?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
