A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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