just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
