rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
