I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Did I show you my penis last night?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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