6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
