i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
