It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
