somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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