69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
