My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
