maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
