Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize