can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
