There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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