I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
