I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
