I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
