never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
