hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
