The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize