some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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