Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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