have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
